“I Provide for You.”

Via  汪筱涵  200110118

“I provide for you.” This is the literal translation of a Chinese sentence, “我养你”, whose free translation is “I can/will provide for you.” There are many posts on the internet that claim this. And it’s interesting that men who say this just mean that they will meet their wives or girlfriends’ basic life requirements, but women who hear this expect a carefree life with flowers and jewelry. From my own perspective, the formation of the viewpoint is thought-provoking.

First of all, we should know when and why a man would say this. If a woman loses her job, her boyfriend or husband may say this to show his support for her and make her less sad and anxious. Besides, a man may say this for economic reasons, if he has or will have a baby with his girlfriend or wife and they not only have no helper to help them look after the baby, but also can’t afford a babysitter’s salary.

For the latter case, the most likely final result is that the man becomes the breadwinner and the woman becomes a housewife. For the former case, if the woman gives up trying to find a new job, they will get the same result, too. It is reasonable. In China, women have suffered from gender discrimination for a really long time. In ancient times, they were born housewives who were forbidden to go to school and nearly had no way to achieve their value in life. Today, they have equal legal status with men, and pregnant women can’t be dismissed thanks to the protection from laws and regulations. But sexual discrimination is still entrenched. At interview sessions, interviewers may ask girls questions like “Do you have a boyfriend?”, “What do you think of marriage?”, “When would you like to have a child?” and so on, while men are not usually asked these questions. Regarding them, a married status is even a symbol of reliability because a man with a family to provide for won’t resign easily.

Although a man is likely to say “I provide for you” totally in good faith, his state of mind is bound to change after he becomes the breadwinner of a family. A backbone of a family has to earn more money than a single person to meet the whole family’s living and developing requirements. So, the more people a man needs to support, the harder his work will be. The harder his work is, the worse his emotions will be. Then a mood outlet will be needed. What’s more, as the pillar of a family, a sense of superiority would come into being in the man’s mind. Over time, he might start to feel less respectful towards his spouse.

However, in fact, the state of mind of a woman is bound to change after she becomes a housewife. She needs her husband’s affirmation. Housework is also work. Being a housewife is not simply being unemployed. Housewives must do the cleaning and cooking, look after children, and even take care of their own and their husbands’ parents. But these examples are only the tip of the iceberg. There are various trifles for a housewife to handle, let alone their psychological pressure, which is a serious problem but easily, and often, neglected. All housewives contribute a lot to their families, but they don’t get a salary for their contributions. They need praise and appreciation, while their families often overlook their efforts. That’s the direct reason for some housewives’ obsession with cleaning – they want to make their hard work apparent, though their husbands may just query them without concern, asking, “Why didn’t you do this when I was working in the company?” As time passes, they may develop psychological problems.

Since the feminist movement first emerged in the late 19th century, women have generally gotten what they should have gotten thousands of years ago. Today, they possess a great increase in vocational and critical thinking skills. Although still facing gender discrimination, they have enough ability to provide for themselves and make their dreams come true. And having witnessed the marriages of their female elders, they have a deep understanding of the outcomes following the “I will/can provide for you.” On one hand, they think a housewife has the need of getting gifts from her family, especially her husband, as praise for their contribution and an expression of love. On the other hand, in their minds, and in fact, it’s not worthwhile giving up their own jobs and dreams to be a housewife. Hence, it’s easy to understand why so many women think that men who say this just mean they will meet their wives or girlfriends’ basic life requirements, but women who hear this would expect a carefree life with flowers and jewelry. There is no doubt that some people may just post a similar viewpoint to follow the trend. But generally, it’s a reflection of the cruel reality and a warning to those young girls.

All in all, both the husband and the wife having jobs is good for maintaining a happy marriage. While for those families that really need a housewife or a househusband, the breadwinner must keep in mind that housework is work. Don’t hurt your significant one because of your own bad emotions.（汪筱涵）